Been toying with the idea of changing my blog setting to "public". i may tell a couple of people that it exists. Maybe not. Don't know yet. i'm less worried about my anonymity than i am spam and judgemental comments by strangers. i am certainly unafraid of my honesty, so at least that isn't an issue!
Guess my hesitation revolves around not being able to put the proverbial cat back in the bag. Unless i change the blog name and settings it's going to be accessible to anyone.
Do me a favor? If you are one of those very select few who have been given this addy, and you have a blog of your own... please drop me an e-mail giving me the pros and cons you have found of having a non/public blog. Thanks!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Progress in Steps
Each day i am making it a point to move one step towards at least one goal. Today i worked towards two...
i started by working on cleaning an area so i can have an office again. The hutch has a long way to go, but the start i made today is impressive. Now it's down to the piddly stuff.
This afternoon i got a phone call from a girlfriend i don't usually hear from often on the phone. She called to tell me about her life and stuff, kind of an up-date call, and then asked how i was doing, what was new... i decided that as a friend it was right for me to update her about my life recently, and besides, reconnecting with people is high on my list of things to work towards. I proceeded with no details and basic facts, nothing more.
She was more wonderful than i could have asked for. i haven't told almost anyone so i was a wreck doing it, but she was supportive and warm and loving... and then she kicked my ass for being sad. Gods bless her for opening my eyes to being self piteous! It isn't about me being hurt or sad or wounded... it's about holding my head up knowing i did what was right for me. Yes, there is loss, but she echoed back to me something i had told her almost two years ago: You just don't fuck with momma tiger and stay in the den alive! I was right - AM right!
Time to hear my own voice. Chin up! Head high! I have a right to my own happiness, and i know darned well it starts with me. Now.
i started by working on cleaning an area so i can have an office again. The hutch has a long way to go, but the start i made today is impressive. Now it's down to the piddly stuff.
This afternoon i got a phone call from a girlfriend i don't usually hear from often on the phone. She called to tell me about her life and stuff, kind of an up-date call, and then asked how i was doing, what was new... i decided that as a friend it was right for me to update her about my life recently, and besides, reconnecting with people is high on my list of things to work towards. I proceeded with no details and basic facts, nothing more.
She was more wonderful than i could have asked for. i haven't told almost anyone so i was a wreck doing it, but she was supportive and warm and loving... and then she kicked my ass for being sad. Gods bless her for opening my eyes to being self piteous! It isn't about me being hurt or sad or wounded... it's about holding my head up knowing i did what was right for me. Yes, there is loss, but she echoed back to me something i had told her almost two years ago: You just don't fuck with momma tiger and stay in the den alive! I was right - AM right!
Time to hear my own voice. Chin up! Head high! I have a right to my own happiness, and i know darned well it starts with me. Now.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
lyrics say volumes
I lean't my back up against an Oak,
I thought it was a trusty tree,
but first it swayed, and then it broke,
and so my false love did unto me.
~ The Water is Wide ~
I thought it was a trusty tree,
but first it swayed, and then it broke,
and so my false love did unto me.
~ The Water is Wide ~
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Hello, my name is Stacy
"How does a girl go so far down the rabbit hole into chaos, and come out unchanged? Answer: She doesn't."
Late last night, with a group of friends, i watched the movie Little Black Book. Innocuous enough, right? ha.
Did i really need my current life pointed out to me in such a blatant manner? Only *i* knew just to what extent i felt the movie austensibly "rubbed my face in it". At least i had that tiny shred of anonymity to cover my shame. i smiled, recovered and moved on. River, rock, flow.
Chin up, girl. Chin up.
Late last night, with a group of friends, i watched the movie Little Black Book. Innocuous enough, right? ha.
Did i really need my current life pointed out to me in such a blatant manner? Only *i* knew just to what extent i felt the movie austensibly "rubbed my face in it". At least i had that tiny shred of anonymity to cover my shame. i smiled, recovered and moved on. River, rock, flow.
Chin up, girl. Chin up.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
perfect
Typical Retrograde Merc Solstice - it thunderstormed great blazes!
My sister called me at 3 to warn me that fire personell (a friend of hers)were being called into stations because of the repercussions of the high winds and hail damage predicted for our area this late afternoon. It didn't materialize until well after dark, but then whooo-ee!
It is less a Summer Solstice night than it is a: Changing Woman's last bitter and defiant battle to hold onto Her season (tooth and claw!).
And now, as Midnight approaches, the air is calm again. Solstice has arrived in style.
Perfect
My sister called me at 3 to warn me that fire personell (a friend of hers)were being called into stations because of the repercussions of the high winds and hail damage predicted for our area this late afternoon. It didn't materialize until well after dark, but then whooo-ee!
It is less a Summer Solstice night than it is a: Changing Woman's last bitter and defiant battle to hold onto Her season (tooth and claw!).
And now, as Midnight approaches, the air is calm again. Solstice has arrived in style.
Perfect
One Magickal Practice
Ana b'choach gedulat y'mincha Tatir Tz'rurah
Please, with the strength of your right hand, untie our tangles. (Siddur)
Please, with the strength of your right hand, untie our tangles. (Siddur)
The Working: (Can be used to help find/undo an obstacle)
"What is the obstacle in my way?" Or: lay the known obstacle lovingly on the altar of the chant. As I chant, I allow the power of HaShem's right hand to move through me, forcefully opening the way ahead and delicately helping to untying the tangles within me.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Affluenza
i don't know whether i spent today "cleaning" or "purging", but either way - what i started felt good. i have so much i don't NEED. A bad case of the posts' title. Too much of everything. So i tossed, put away for a more appropriate time (winter), and let go of a lot today... i have so much more to go.
i know deep within me that today was only the tip of the physical manifestation of this need to examine what in my life does and doesn't elevate me in striving to acheive my most authentic self, my best self; but i count it as a "good thing" that i have looked, and found a small place to start.
My all-time favorite, grounding, centering, focusing, renewing...
Shlomo Carlebach Chant:
Return again,
Return again,
Return to the land of your soul.
Return to who you are
Return to what you are
Return to where you are born and reborn again...
Return again,
Return again,
Return to the land of your soul.
i know deep within me that today was only the tip of the physical manifestation of this need to examine what in my life does and doesn't elevate me in striving to acheive my most authentic self, my best self; but i count it as a "good thing" that i have looked, and found a small place to start.
My all-time favorite, grounding, centering, focusing, renewing...
Shlomo Carlebach Chant:
Return again,
Return again,
Return to the land of your soul.
Return to who you are
Return to what you are
Return to where you are born and reborn again...
Return again,
Return again,
Return to the land of your soul.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Sunday, expounded upon
So, there was this beautiful Sunday afternoon, made even more beautiful by the strains of well played Irish music, the smiles of friends, and the glass or two of Jamesons in my hand.
An ever graceful woman, for whom i have the utmost respect and admiration and am grateful to call a dear friend, had invited me there to hear her play, and to meet her beloved, R.
The music was floating lightly when i arrived with S & L in tow. There weren't many participants in the Jam as yet. Having been spotted, D beamed a huge smile and rose to greet me. In a word, she was radiant! A couple of minutes of chat and introductions and she was joined by R. With a firm handshake and a smile we were introduced. R is tall, with a broad genuine smile and deep eyes. i got the same feeling from him as i did D. They both connect with such resonance it was palpable. They soon excused themselves to return to the music.
Music seems to enhance that resonance... the longer they played, the more the energy connected. Watching and listening started to feel like i had been invited to watch something intimate, beautiful and fun! The laughs were adorable. i loved observing the ever-watchful R gazing at D playing. i felt guilty catching their eye, as if i had intruded.
i'm a huge fan of live music performance, but moreso when that music feels like a gift that's being born and given. This felt that way.
Lest a reader think that they were the only two there, they were not. Others added their melodies as the sheer amount of the talent, smiles and music in the room got increasingly impressive.
i can remember the last time i had that much of a good time enjoying Irish music. It'd been far too long.
Soon it was time for D to depart to another gig. We chatted and she made her goodbyes.
Sadly, too soon it was our turn to depart. i regret not being able to say a proper goodbye to R as he was in the middle of a set when we had to go. But i'll leave tonight with this...
Before D left i promised to return to hear more, see more, spend more time... D has already started to encourage me. It won't be difficult!
An ever graceful woman, for whom i have the utmost respect and admiration and am grateful to call a dear friend, had invited me there to hear her play, and to meet her beloved, R.
The music was floating lightly when i arrived with S & L in tow. There weren't many participants in the Jam as yet. Having been spotted, D beamed a huge smile and rose to greet me. In a word, she was radiant! A couple of minutes of chat and introductions and she was joined by R. With a firm handshake and a smile we were introduced. R is tall, with a broad genuine smile and deep eyes. i got the same feeling from him as i did D. They both connect with such resonance it was palpable. They soon excused themselves to return to the music.
Music seems to enhance that resonance... the longer they played, the more the energy connected. Watching and listening started to feel like i had been invited to watch something intimate, beautiful and fun! The laughs were adorable. i loved observing the ever-watchful R gazing at D playing. i felt guilty catching their eye, as if i had intruded.
i'm a huge fan of live music performance, but moreso when that music feels like a gift that's being born and given. This felt that way.
Lest a reader think that they were the only two there, they were not. Others added their melodies as the sheer amount of the talent, smiles and music in the room got increasingly impressive.
i can remember the last time i had that much of a good time enjoying Irish music. It'd been far too long.
Soon it was time for D to depart to another gig. We chatted and she made her goodbyes.
Sadly, too soon it was our turn to depart. i regret not being able to say a proper goodbye to R as he was in the middle of a set when we had to go. But i'll leave tonight with this...
Before D left i promised to return to hear more, see more, spend more time... D has already started to encourage me. It won't be difficult!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
a very small nutshell
Back from another wonderful weekend in D.C., this time, in part, for the National Pride weekend festivities (dyke march, pride parade, PrideFest). In other parts; to see good friends, meet new ones and relax!
Friday was a great home cooked dinner by L, Saturday a lovely balcony breakfast in the sunshine - again courtesy of L, followed by a Metro (yes, Metro, as in subway - ew) ride to Dupont Circle to rendevous with more friends and walk to our destination, a cute little bar/restaurant named The Fox n Hounds - where we stayed all day, through the march and the parade, until the evening. Later a group of 6 of us headed to Open City for a bite to eat and then we parted ways for the night. S, L and i played "way over tired scrabble" (at which i am terrible) and crashed.
Sunday we all slept in, grabbed a bagel and coffee and drove to Pride Fest. It was fun seeing all the people, listening to music, gathering inclusive ideas and curricula for my own classroom and school. i actually have one school's handbook with all the objectives and textbooks!
Then it was off to the pub to hear D and R play, meet R and grab a bite to eat. This needs its own entry so i won't go on and on about it right now. Suffice to say... terrific, which really is to say nothing. Stay posted.
Back to the apt with the roomies, and 2 friends came over to watch TransAmerica. Great flick, so well done. Reading, cuddles, chatting and a very late crash time. Monday brought an exceptionally loud dawn chorus so i was up early. i finished the book i'd brought, packed and got ready to go. After a bagel and coffee we were off to the airport and i was homeward bound.
Friday was a great home cooked dinner by L, Saturday a lovely balcony breakfast in the sunshine - again courtesy of L, followed by a Metro (yes, Metro, as in subway - ew) ride to Dupont Circle to rendevous with more friends and walk to our destination, a cute little bar/restaurant named The Fox n Hounds - where we stayed all day, through the march and the parade, until the evening. Later a group of 6 of us headed to Open City for a bite to eat and then we parted ways for the night. S, L and i played "way over tired scrabble" (at which i am terrible) and crashed.
Sunday we all slept in, grabbed a bagel and coffee and drove to Pride Fest. It was fun seeing all the people, listening to music, gathering inclusive ideas and curricula for my own classroom and school. i actually have one school's handbook with all the objectives and textbooks!
Then it was off to the pub to hear D and R play, meet R and grab a bite to eat. This needs its own entry so i won't go on and on about it right now. Suffice to say... terrific, which really is to say nothing. Stay posted.
Back to the apt with the roomies, and 2 friends came over to watch TransAmerica. Great flick, so well done. Reading, cuddles, chatting and a very late crash time. Monday brought an exceptionally loud dawn chorus so i was up early. i finished the book i'd brought, packed and got ready to go. After a bagel and coffee we were off to the airport and i was homeward bound.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
flow
There is some modicum of freedom in being overwhelmed to the point of throwing up one's hands in surrender. You can hear the Universe buzzing and just listen, take a step back and watch it vibrate.
Feeling very "river, rock, flow". Life will happen.
Mmmm, one of lovely Lady Dee's chants rings clear in my head. i love this one.
i step into the flow and then i let go
i open my mind my heart and my soul
i surrender
i open my mind my heart and my soul
Yep, i think i'll post a fave chant here now and then.
It hadn't yet occurred to me to do that here. cool.
Feeling very "river, rock, flow". Life will happen.
Mmmm, one of lovely Lady Dee's chants rings clear in my head. i love this one.
i step into the flow and then i let go
i open my mind my heart and my soul
i surrender
i open my mind my heart and my soul
Yep, i think i'll post a fave chant here now and then.
It hadn't yet occurred to me to do that here. cool.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Whew!
Well, #2 has now been Confirmed at our Temple. Mono and all.
After attending two of four classes today, he was driven home, laid on the couch for a while, dragged his reluctant bones to the shower, under a towel and into dress clothes to sit half asleep in the car. Get out and walk into the Temple, follow some instructions, and successfully completed his portion of the ceremony.
Needles to say... he's asleep!
After attending two of four classes today, he was driven home, laid on the couch for a while, dragged his reluctant bones to the shower, under a towel and into dress clothes to sit half asleep in the car. Get out and walk into the Temple, follow some instructions, and successfully completed his portion of the ceremony.
Needles to say... he's asleep!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
HRC my ass
If specific Human Rights Campaign (HRC) employees have no integrity or respect for other people, then their work for the Campaign is not needed, and in fact compromises the integrity of the whole organization.
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