Stay Tuned!

The celebration for #1's High School graduation is tomorrow evening here at the house. At that time she's also making her "big announcement" about what she has chosen to do for her college/career/life.

The guesses people have made are almost shocking. i think they're rather a telling reflection of what they think of #1. What an odd thing.

What do you think?

So far, people have guessed that she's:
Pregnant
Getting married
Pregnant AND getting married
Becoming a Rabbi
Joining the Peace Corps

Comparison

#1 and i were invited to a mutual friend's 39th birthday party last week. i warned her that people would be drinking there and allowed her to make the choice. She chose to go.

There was drinking (and some drunkeness) and some Cuban cigar smoking... but also pizza, soda, good conversation, dancing... and major silliness!

#1 chose not to be utterly silly, which was fine. She danced, had a few good conversations and enjoyed the evening overall. We left well after 1am.

"I" for Inappropriate

i've never seen my kids NOT have a good time looking at cars and hanging out, but tonight just that happened.

Then they report that their father exposed them to him and his partner and their friends drinking, some drunkenness and (others) smoking (yes, what they were smoking is questionable) while they were cold and utterly bored, having nothing to do but entertain little kids.

#1 text messaged to please be rescued. i rescued.

It's one thing to have them know our partners and have us all do things together in a healthy atmosphere. This was entirely something else.

Unfortunately, it isn't ME who can work this out for them. They have to speak up for themselves. i wish them strength.

So THERE!

Last night i vented my anger on a candle-wax-filled, red glass mosaic globe that was ruined (and i love)

At some point #2 decided to burn it... and play with the melting wax (a fascination i understand!) except he let it burn straight down in a narrow wick-line leaving 99% of the wax still unburnt the wax covered over the wick at the very bottom... and my beautiful, red glass mosaic, $13 candle was soon a total loss. :(

Too broken hearted to throw it out, i saved it.
Last night was the perfect time to fix it...

i gouged all the old hardened wax out
using only my fingernails...
until 2:30am...
standing at the bathroom counter...
Grrrrrrrr! Take THAT!

Cleaned it out entirely!
Put a tealight in the bottom of my clean-as-a-whistle, empty, now-beautiful-again, red glass mosaic candle holder and lit it. Voila! :)

Feeling some sense of accomplishment and triumph over evil...

i slept from 2:30 until 8am!!

Didn't sleep last night. Maybe an hour or so, but nothing that helped.
Feeling ill, headache, nausea. Conflicted. Hamstering. Heartstrings in all directions.

i need information to help me out of this. Too much in which i have no confidence.

It's hard for me to say this, but... i need support. i need bolstering. i need clarity.

i need to vent.