Frustration has set in

i can't help anyone any more than i am.
i can't be everywhere i want to be for everyone i want to be there for. (Yes, i know that's poor English!)
i can't afford to do much of what i need to do, let alone give to others monetarily.
i can't stay on top of everyone's everything any more.

i'm tapped out, timed out, helped out. i'm finding it hard to be "nice" anymore. Civil is as good as it gets some moments, esp to those who need things of me - even if they don't ask.

i want to close the doors and lock myself in. Leave me alone, ask nothing of me. There's no one home now, leave a message at the beep and i'll delete it later and feel badly about it. BEEP

It isn't because i don't want to be nice... it's that i'm feeling like i'm not enough for anyone, even myself. i can't help the people i want to help and i'm not getting any help myself either. i help. i facilitate. It's who i am!

Somehow i feel like my only way out is to be more financially capable on my own. To that end i'm pouring a lot of my time and energy into my little business... and loving it! i'm even seeing some success.

i wish i had an office where i could contain my notes, efforts and stuff. i'm finding working from the computer and kitchen pretty distracting. On the other hand it's nice to take a break and do some dishes, clean something, make coffee, prepare dinner... (See? i can't make a decision to save my life right now.)

i feel time passing; every minute closer to something definitive, but i don't know what.