me

i'm a social creature. i have a past and a present and i integrate them as the whole person i am. i have friends who think the world of me and are thrilled that i'm here in DC to share time with them. i am loved and valued for who i am - just for my smile! Not needed for what i can give, how i can help.... It's hard to be "needed" when lately i have so little to give. i'm not needed here, i'm just appreciated. cool.

i miss this... the ability to hang out with friends and laugh and share our lives. i've been missing my "social self" lately - so wrapped up in the kids' lives, business, teaching, being right in someone else's eyes, stressing over "talks" that need to be had, trying to give the house my time, as well as people in my life, freaking out about my weight, body image. What about my eyes? What i see in my mental mirror sometimes pains me; physically, emotionally.

i haven't taken a deep satisfied breath in much too long. Today i grabbed a coffee and sat in a park and held a long conversation with someone i hold very dear. It occurred to me that i was breathing and smiling and laughing. It shouldn't be a special event worthy of notice - yanno?