What do *I* want, long term, for myself? What makes ME happy?
This is something to which I know the answer, i have for months now (as idyllic, selfish and out of reach as it sounds) other than the general "good health, wealth and world peace", i want two things: 1) my children to be safe, healthy and happy and 2) i want the love and respect i have with/for M. I want it in my life now and always. Who am i kidding? This is my writing... i want 'us' to be my life.
Of course, i'm a practical person... if that cannot be the case then i want to know. asap.
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Comparing blog posts of October 5 to 12/16 and wondering if I am meeting my deepest needs in this relationship with M. In what ways do *I* come first? Do i need to be first - and in what areas do i want (or need) to feel that?
Being in love with M utterly muddies the answer. I don't want to experience the loss, hurt and other emotional stress that leaving this beautiful love we have together would create. What a huge void that would be in my life,
yet... isn't it a huge void to know that I may never have what I truly want in my life?
Yeah. It's like that.
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