decompartmentalized

Driving along Rockville Pike, chatting... s puts into words an interesting point about herself that i relate to strongly.

i used to "deal" with life by putting each issue in a neat box, tackling each box of my life as i could or needed to.

Somewhere along the way (about 15 years ago) i stopped doing that. i became more integrated, more whole, "self-actualized" for those of you to whom that makes sense. i am very happy with myself in the way that i have become more whole and more fully "myself". One difference that exemplifies this wholeness is that i no longer compartmentalize parts of my life more than necessary. i don't put one thing on the back burner of my mind in favor of another.

i don't mean to say that thoughts and their subsequent actions happen in inappropriate times or places, but i think about almost everything, almost all the time.

This all makes me a very full-minded person! It's no wonder i feel like i get overwhelmed easily. Too much at once, last minute changes, unexpected turns in the road are sometimes taken in stride, but yet other times bring a tidal wave of emotion - or worse: paralysis.

This morning my heart is at my aunt's funeral, with my children, my blood family, extended relatives, here on vacation, my home, with friends here and home, s's illness, with M, with T, with S, all my "shoulda-woulda-couldas" i left in MI or are here with me, my students, my work (both of them), possibilities that present themselves for my future, choices...

In other words... my DEcompartmentalised brain is currently on moderate overload mode. But i have the words to express it now! :) Guessing that's a step in the right direction.