Blue Ribbon Pig :(

i feel like a prize to be won, lost or fought over.

i mean really... am i such a prize that people will either win me lock stock and barrel or forsake me? Am i so good in bed that not to have that makes one incapable of sharing friendship, love, support, life?

How utterly ridiculous! How shallow!

Late last night, one who was formerly supportive of my life and happiness 'bowed out' because "there's no getting back what used to be". In other words: a physical relationship.

Before one jumps to conclusions, this is a person with whom i had a marvelous relationship! Four years ago. Since that time i have seen them only twice in the last year, they've bowed out of my life before (for three years) and they rarely make contact with me now save for a text message about once a month that says "I miss you" or "I love you".
To translate: There is no "relationship" now, per se and we haven't been physical together in years. We talk about every six weeks. We're friends. i hear their troubles and they hear mine. i hear their joys and they hear mine. Friends. A person to whom i have been able to honestly say: "i love you too".

So now this... They perceive that i am too "easily led" from polyamory to monogamy (i.e. not having sex with them) and for this reason they no longer 'fit' in my life and are bowing out.

Yep, i've been reduced to being a blue ribbon pig. There is obviously nothing more to me than an A#1 practice breeder and if i'm not good for that then i'm pork chops.

Why then is it so painful to me to see how shallow other people can be? Why do others judge my choices based solely on their needs?
How can five years of a loving friendship, that has survived the illness and death of a spouse, remarriage, grief, four teenagers and distance, be reduced to "choose to be sexual with me or i don't fit in your life"?
What the hell happened?